As the festive season unfolds, and your little one teeters on the brink of mischief and merriment, the looming specter of Santa's gift-giving discretion might seem like a tempting tool to tame unruly conduct. According to a recent C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, unveiled on Monday, a quarter of parents with preschoolers have invoked Santa or the dread of gift-less holidays to address wayward actions.

"Navigating the complexities of discipline can be daunting for parents, prompting us to delve into their strategies and the resources they draw upon to make informed decisions about guiding young children", remarked Dr. Susan Woolford, co-director of the Mott Poll and a pediatrician at the University of Michigan Health in Ann Arbor.

The Mott Poll, conducted in the heart of August, canvassed 725 parents nurturing at least one child between the ages of 1 to 5. The survey's margin of error hovers around 1 to 6 percentage points. A majority of respondents confessed to occasionally resorting to incentives or the art of bribery to foster virtuous behavior. However, experts caution that such tactics might backfire, inciting further disobedience and instilling anxiety in the young minds, as noted by Dr. Michelle Janning, a sociology professor at Whitman College in Washington state. “Even at the tender age of five, children compare their possessions, and the absence of a promised gift can instill a profound sense of threat in a society where they closely examine each other’s belongings,” Janning elaborated.

While half of the parents surveyed claimed consistency in their disciplinary methods, others grappled with establishing a routine. These challenges arise from a myriad of factors, including the child's developmental stage, which might preclude understanding discipline, the trepidation of public outbursts, or the realization that their strategies are ineffective. Thirty-one percent of participants voiced apprehension about disciplining their offspring in public spaces, fearing the eruption of tantrums—a concern Janning suggests might be exacerbated by the pervasive fear of negative scrutiny on social media platforms. “There exists a heightened awareness of an audience's gaze and the potential for judgment in the era of reels and TikTok videos documenting parental interactions with their children,” Janning observed.

Woolford emphasized the importance of parents adhering to their disciplinary strategies in such scenarios. “Parents might be pleasantly surprised by the empathy they receive from fellow shoppers who can relate to the challenges of managing such situations,” she said. Parents can also preemptively avoid public outings when their children are fatigued or hungry, or when they themselves are drained, to sidestep unnecessary irritations.

Woolford explained that consequences must be consistent and directly linked to the behavior to facilitate a child’s comprehension of the correlation. She also advised against using threats to correct misbehavior. “Threats are often ineffective, as parents frequently fail to follow through, which undermines their credibility,” she stated, “and children may learn that there will be no real repercussions.” Instead, she encouraged parents to practice positive reinforcement when their child exhibits desired behaviors, specifying the actions that please you. “Instead of a generic 'Good girl,' say, 'Wow, I appreciate how you helped Mom tidy up the toys,'” Woolford suggested. Such specific praise helps children identify the behaviors they should repeat, motivating them to continue those actions in hopes of receiving more praise.

In addition to verbal affirmations, some parents may opt for rewards as a form of reinforcement. However, Woolford urged caution in the selection of incentives. For instance, food-related rewards like candy can foster unhealthy relationships with food. “We advise against using food as a reward or threat to withhold it, as it can lead to a negative association with food in the long run,” Woolford said. She recommended natural rewards that stem from activities your child already enjoys, such as additional reading time.

Even when parents opt to discipline their children, many remain uncertain about the efficacy of their methods. Almost 40% of parents believe their techniques are highly successful, while 57% feel they are only somewhat effective, as per the survey. The disciplinary strategies parents employ will also vary significantly with the child's age. For very young children, around the age of 1, Woolford suggested redirecting them from hazardous behaviors, such as touching electrical outlets, by offering a toy or another engaging activity since they might not yet grasp why their actions are inappropriate.

Most parents surveyed reported seeking guidance from a variety of sources, including family, friends, and the child’s other parent, or by consulting parenting books, social media, and online articles. However, one in eight parents admitted they had not contemplated the disciplinary strategies they employ with their children, and 42% confessed to occasionally spanking their child, a method experts discourage.

Many parents are grappling with immense stress, juggling concerns about time and finances, which makes it challenging to develop new strategies for particularly overwhelming behaviors, according to Janning. For those parents in need of additional support, Woolford recommended consulting with your child’s primary care physician or utilizing resources from the American Academy of Pediatrics parenting site. “Pediatricians are a valuable resource, even when someone is contemplating their disciplinary plan, not just when faced with problems,” Woolford said.

Janning also encouraged parents to trust their instincts and tailor their approaches to suit their unique family dynamics. “Parents should be more forgiving with themselves and cease the mutual shaming, as parenting is already a demanding endeavor,” she said.